I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
