I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
NoShamevember. You game?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
