Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are the jesus of drinking
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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