you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
