Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
