I think I won the penis lottery.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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