dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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