R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
