You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
