She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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