my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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