So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
me + whiskey = a bad person
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
