why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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