i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
