Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
