do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
