She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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