Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
