This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
