The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
