dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
