I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
