p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
