Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
