Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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