areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
