Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
