There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
