one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
