my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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