well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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