it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
