Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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