She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
