were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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