there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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