i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this beer tastes like vomit already
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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