VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
