a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
