omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Panties = found
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