too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
