Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
