Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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