he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
