Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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