Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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