I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
