have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
