i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
