I hate all girls vehemently.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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