Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
