Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
