i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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