Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
