bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
