If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
