WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
