the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
