Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
