What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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