she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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