I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
