Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
