the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
