There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
